I'm sure it's because my birthday is coming up, but I have found myself thinking back over my years, and I realize that as of Monday I will be 16 years past that 16 year land mark that seemed so huge (and soooo far away) at one time.
When I was 16, I got my first "real" job working at McDonald's in Pace. I remember the store manager telling me that anyone who applied for a job on their birthday, which was during Spring Break, was definitely getting hired. He says "I'd love to have your smile working behind that counter". I left excited and nervous - and having totally forgotten to ask what the pay was. ha! Yes, I was 16 and working at McDonald's. Oh, and the pay was $4.25 a hour by the way.
When I was 16, I had the hugest crush on someone who I refuse to name for his sake - and if you know his name, which if you knew me then there was no way to not know, you don't mention his name either. =) I remember wondering who would be my first prom date, who would I marry, what kind of names would I pick out for my kids....and being so sure that if this person would just give me a chance it would be amazing. Yes, I was 16 and knew just what I needed to make my life perfect.
When I was 16, I was working on being the drum major of the band and hoping that I would get that chance. It really was my main goal and I wanted to do whatever it took to get there. Beyond that, I didn't really have a ton of goals, but on this one, my mind was set. Yes, I was 16 and decided that my goals were up to me to reach.
When I was 16, I was sure that every other girl on the planet was cuter than I was. My chest was too small, my hips were too large, and my size 4 waist was too pudgy. I figured out that girls in magazine were what I wanted to look like. Yes, I was 16 and thought for sure I was fat.
When I was 16, I was sure there wasn't a problem I couldn't solve, a friend I couldn't make, a story I hadn't already heard. Yes, I was 16 and already on my way to knowing all there ever was to know.
16 years after working at McDonald's, I look back and realize that job taught me a lot. It taught me how to work with people who were different from me, how to smile at a customer when I wanted to punch them, how to wipe down trays like a pro, and made me make a pact with myself to NEVER EVER allow my child to have a birthday party at McDonald's. =)
16 years after being sure that my life would have been perfect with that unnamed person, I realize that for many reasons that would have never happened. A year later, I met JD's dad (while working at McDonald's -so I guess that's something else working there gave me...ha!). Two years later we were married, we had JD, and for a while we had a marriage. I've loved, been broken hearted, I've been made whole again. Yes, 16 years later, I realize that life isn't made perfect by a person and I look forwarding to one day being in love again.
16 years after being wanting to be drum major, I look back on my time as drum major with fond memories. I realize that in the grand scheme of my life, that won't be the biggest thing I've achieved, but it was what helped me learn how to work hard to accomplish my goals. My goals now involve being a great mom to JD, making a difference in other's lives, and smaller things like planning vacation. Yes, 16 years later - it still feels amazing to realize a goal.
16 years after being so sure I was hugely fat, I laugh at that thought now. Sweet Lord, if my 16 year old self had a picture of my 32 year old self, she would've really started exercising young. =) I also realize that I am so much more than what the scale says. I'm confident, relaxed in who I am, and able to see the bigger picture. Yes, 16 years later, although I am working on losing weight - I am happy with who Kim is on the inside....and that is so important.
16 years after knowing it all, I've learned that you cannot predict what life has in store for you, but you can take those things - whether gifts or trials - and you will look back and see how your road has been paved and shaped by those experiences. You make a decision to lie down and give up, or give it to God, and rise above. I've learned that there are things I am not equipped to handle on my own, there are people who will not like me, and there are questions I can't answer. Yes, 16 years later, I've learned that I am still learning each day.
So, 16 years later, I have a son who will be a teenager this year, who already talks about things like "when I get to drive", or "when I go to college". I have a life that looks nothing like what I pictured, but in some ways more amazing than anything I could imagine, and I look forward to what is in store.
At the end of the day, the one thing I'm most sure about 16 years later, is that I wouldn't go back to 16 for anything. I'm thankful that with age and experience comes the ability to appreciate where you are. So, bring on the laugh lines, the forehead wrinkles, and the crow's feet - I plan on earning each one. =)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Fully Committed or Making Excuses?
As a note...I started this blog at 6:30, but got distracted....ha!
I'm sitting on the couch, having just finished a salad, (okay it was really a bowl of organic spring mix and carrots - Thanks Jessica for leaving the carrots in my fridge...ha!), and feeling the satisfaction of being fully committed to something.
As a follow up to my event last week, I made the decision to make a full commitment to getting serious about my health. For me, that includes not only getting serious about exercising, but serious about my nutrition. After researching several plans, I've decided to go with the HMR program through the Medical Center Clinic. There are no shots, pills, etc...just revamping the way you eat through shakes, meals, and plenty of fruits and veggies. Oh, and did I mention, a per day exercise goal?
It dawned on me that I'm good at making commitments in some areas of my life, but very bad on the follow through in this area. I've had to do some soul searching on why this is, and I've come to some conclusions, but at the end it adds up to excuses. I've made excuses to myself - i.e. I'm too tired to cook, exercise...It's only one cheat meal....I deserve a cheeseburger after the week I've had...It's my birthday and I should get whatever I want...It's Mother's Day....It's Wednesday. Yeah, I think you get the point. At the end of the day, it's just excuses. If you know me at all, you would not say that I may excuses for things in my life, but I had to admit that this has just been full of one excuse after the other.
So, Wednesday night, I went to bed knowing that Thursday would be my first day on the plan. To be honest, I was kind of nervous. I was nervous I would be hungry and feel like cheating. I was nervous I would disappoint myself again. I was nervous that at the end of the day, I would make one more excuse that would leave me sitting on the couch, wondering why I failed again. However, something changed that Thursday morning....
That morning, I woke up with this thought on my mind "Commit your way to the Lord". Of course, my next thought way "Don't I already do that?" Followed by a startling thought..."Um, if you did that in all areas, would you be thinking there are other areas that need to be committed?"....Yeah, I know...I had this conversation with myself....more like a debate. Do I commit, don't I commit?
I decided to start this program with a new frame of mind. Each day, I will get up and commit this day unto the Lord. I will commit these efforts to Him. You know what? Thursday wasn't bad, Friday was better, Saturday was over before I knew it, and now it's Sunday night. It's amazing how much better you can feel when you get up and commit. I am making a commitment to act with purpose in achieving this goal. I will do my best, one day at a time, to become a healthier, more disciplined person...for myself, JD, my friends, co-workers, etc. I will believe in my heart that this is something I can accomplish, and I will take the steps necessary to follow through.
Don't be surprised if I blog about it...Wednesday is my first weigh-in and first class, so I'll try to follow up with my progress. All in all...I am excited. Excited about what tomorrow holds...excited about committing each day to being healthier me.
I'm sitting on the couch, having just finished a salad, (okay it was really a bowl of organic spring mix and carrots - Thanks Jessica for leaving the carrots in my fridge...ha!), and feeling the satisfaction of being fully committed to something.
As a follow up to my event last week, I made the decision to make a full commitment to getting serious about my health. For me, that includes not only getting serious about exercising, but serious about my nutrition. After researching several plans, I've decided to go with the HMR program through the Medical Center Clinic. There are no shots, pills, etc...just revamping the way you eat through shakes, meals, and plenty of fruits and veggies. Oh, and did I mention, a per day exercise goal?
It dawned on me that I'm good at making commitments in some areas of my life, but very bad on the follow through in this area. I've had to do some soul searching on why this is, and I've come to some conclusions, but at the end it adds up to excuses. I've made excuses to myself - i.e. I'm too tired to cook, exercise...It's only one cheat meal....I deserve a cheeseburger after the week I've had...It's my birthday and I should get whatever I want...It's Mother's Day....It's Wednesday. Yeah, I think you get the point. At the end of the day, it's just excuses. If you know me at all, you would not say that I may excuses for things in my life, but I had to admit that this has just been full of one excuse after the other.
So, Wednesday night, I went to bed knowing that Thursday would be my first day on the plan. To be honest, I was kind of nervous. I was nervous I would be hungry and feel like cheating. I was nervous I would disappoint myself again. I was nervous that at the end of the day, I would make one more excuse that would leave me sitting on the couch, wondering why I failed again. However, something changed that Thursday morning....
That morning, I woke up with this thought on my mind "Commit your way to the Lord". Of course, my next thought way "Don't I already do that?" Followed by a startling thought..."Um, if you did that in all areas, would you be thinking there are other areas that need to be committed?"....Yeah, I know...I had this conversation with myself....more like a debate. Do I commit, don't I commit?
I decided to start this program with a new frame of mind. Each day, I will get up and commit this day unto the Lord. I will commit these efforts to Him. You know what? Thursday wasn't bad, Friday was better, Saturday was over before I knew it, and now it's Sunday night. It's amazing how much better you can feel when you get up and commit. I am making a commitment to act with purpose in achieving this goal. I will do my best, one day at a time, to become a healthier, more disciplined person...for myself, JD, my friends, co-workers, etc. I will believe in my heart that this is something I can accomplish, and I will take the steps necessary to follow through.
Don't be surprised if I blog about it...Wednesday is my first weigh-in and first class, so I'll try to follow up with my progress. All in all...I am excited. Excited about what tomorrow holds...excited about committing each day to being healthier me.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Learning to Relax...
Relaxing is something you would think comes naturally. I mean, how hard is it to come home, change clothes, and lie on the couch for a while? That's relaxing, right? Not if you're me. You see, I've come to the conclusion that I have a very hard time turning my mind off. I might be sitting on the couch, but I'm thinking about my budget, what's for dinner tomorrow night, an email I need to send, if cat food is on sale, if JD finished his homework, what time I need to get on the treadmill, am I going to actually get some sleep tonight...okay, I think you're seeing the point.
I have always thought of myself as someone who is able to multi-task and handle stress like a pro (on very little sleep - I might add). However, I learned the hard way this week that is not necessarily true. Or, even if it is, you can't maintain it forever.
Wednesday morning started like most of my mornings the last three weeks - out the door early, so I could be out with some of our field employees when they got to work (which is generally 6 a.m.). I drove out to Milton, collected some paper work from employees, drove back downtown and was at my desk working by 8:30 or 9:00. On the outside I looked okay, but on the inside I had been hiding a secret.
The weather was absolutely horrible Wednesday, so Bill, Mallory, and I decided to go downstairs to the restaurant in our building for lunch. As we are sitting there - it happens. I had a sharp chest pain to the point that I could not hide it from them that something was wrong. My chest hurt, I was suddenly out of breath and felt light headed. After trying in vain to assure them that everything was okay. I finally spilled the beans. Much to my friends' horror, I explained to them that I had been having a weird pressure feeling in my chest for over two weeks and that on Tuesday night, I started having sharp chest pains. When asked why I hadn't said anything I calmly explained that I didn't want people to think I was stupid, overreacting, or just being a wuss. After all, I'm only 31. I'm too young to have heart problems, right? Okay - we all know that was just lame talk.
Needless to say, both of them were pretty upset. It came down to the fact that I needed to call our nurse or I'm sure one of them was going to take care of that for me. I call the nurse, and of course, she advises that I go to the ER for treatment. Well, for those of you who don't know, my friend, Laura, is over the surgical unit for Baptist hospital, so I called her and explained that I would be coming down.
When I get to the ER, they take my blood pressure and the machine starts making funny noises. The nurse asks how long I've had high blood pressure, to which I answered, never. Never have I had the slightest issue with my blood pressure. I was just at the doctor on February 14th and it was fine. Well, it wasn't fine now. It was 197/99. We took it again. It was 200/100. We took it again. It was 199/100. At this point, I no longer feel stupid for being there, just foolish for not having told someone sooner.
After an EKG, blood work (which they couldn't find my veins so I was stuck 5 or 6 times before they were able to get a sample), being monitored for several hours, etc...the doctor came to this conclusion: I have got to relax. Seriously. He gave me something to lower my blood pressure and told me that I really need to get some rest, and relax.
So, that is my new goal for 2011. I will find a way to relax. I will learn how to turn my mind off. I will start taking care of myself and not denying that I have a problem. The truth is that if one of my friends told me they had been feeling the way I was for over two weeks, I would have been TICKED! They would not have been able to come up with an excuse good enough to explain why they hadn't said something. So, I will learn how to take better care of myself. The same type care I expect my family and friends to be taking with themselves.
On that note - I bowed out of the McGuire's 5k tomorrow. Not because I don't want to do it, but because I really need to get some rest. I plan on hanging out with JD all day, watching movies, taking naps, playing Wii, almost anything but work. As a matter of fact, it's only 9:30 now, but there's a great chance I'm going to get in bed in about 15 minutes. =)
This is a beautiful life. I don't ever want to have to go through what I did on Wednesday again. I might have finally scared myself into learning how to take it down a notch.
I have always thought of myself as someone who is able to multi-task and handle stress like a pro (on very little sleep - I might add). However, I learned the hard way this week that is not necessarily true. Or, even if it is, you can't maintain it forever.
Wednesday morning started like most of my mornings the last three weeks - out the door early, so I could be out with some of our field employees when they got to work (which is generally 6 a.m.). I drove out to Milton, collected some paper work from employees, drove back downtown and was at my desk working by 8:30 or 9:00. On the outside I looked okay, but on the inside I had been hiding a secret.
The weather was absolutely horrible Wednesday, so Bill, Mallory, and I decided to go downstairs to the restaurant in our building for lunch. As we are sitting there - it happens. I had a sharp chest pain to the point that I could not hide it from them that something was wrong. My chest hurt, I was suddenly out of breath and felt light headed. After trying in vain to assure them that everything was okay. I finally spilled the beans. Much to my friends' horror, I explained to them that I had been having a weird pressure feeling in my chest for over two weeks and that on Tuesday night, I started having sharp chest pains. When asked why I hadn't said anything I calmly explained that I didn't want people to think I was stupid, overreacting, or just being a wuss. After all, I'm only 31. I'm too young to have heart problems, right? Okay - we all know that was just lame talk.
Needless to say, both of them were pretty upset. It came down to the fact that I needed to call our nurse or I'm sure one of them was going to take care of that for me. I call the nurse, and of course, she advises that I go to the ER for treatment. Well, for those of you who don't know, my friend, Laura, is over the surgical unit for Baptist hospital, so I called her and explained that I would be coming down.
When I get to the ER, they take my blood pressure and the machine starts making funny noises. The nurse asks how long I've had high blood pressure, to which I answered, never. Never have I had the slightest issue with my blood pressure. I was just at the doctor on February 14th and it was fine. Well, it wasn't fine now. It was 197/99. We took it again. It was 200/100. We took it again. It was 199/100. At this point, I no longer feel stupid for being there, just foolish for not having told someone sooner.
After an EKG, blood work (which they couldn't find my veins so I was stuck 5 or 6 times before they were able to get a sample), being monitored for several hours, etc...the doctor came to this conclusion: I have got to relax. Seriously. He gave me something to lower my blood pressure and told me that I really need to get some rest, and relax.
So, that is my new goal for 2011. I will find a way to relax. I will learn how to turn my mind off. I will start taking care of myself and not denying that I have a problem. The truth is that if one of my friends told me they had been feeling the way I was for over two weeks, I would have been TICKED! They would not have been able to come up with an excuse good enough to explain why they hadn't said something. So, I will learn how to take better care of myself. The same type care I expect my family and friends to be taking with themselves.
On that note - I bowed out of the McGuire's 5k tomorrow. Not because I don't want to do it, but because I really need to get some rest. I plan on hanging out with JD all day, watching movies, taking naps, playing Wii, almost anything but work. As a matter of fact, it's only 9:30 now, but there's a great chance I'm going to get in bed in about 15 minutes. =)
This is a beautiful life. I don't ever want to have to go through what I did on Wednesday again. I might have finally scared myself into learning how to take it down a notch.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Open House...
When I hear the words "open house" I'm always taken back to that time in Fall when as a child, parents would come to the school, look through your desk or locker, talk about how embarrassed they were because your desk seemed to be the least organized (when truthfully the teacher had you clean it out that day, so it looked a ton better than it had the day before - total bummer the parents thought it looked bad...ha!), look at your art work, hear how wonderful of a student you were - even if you did talk a little too much (okay, a LOT too much), and you would get to show them around the room or school with excitement. FYI - I think Open House is way more fun for the kids than it is for the parent or teachers.
Okay, that was random, because that is not quite where this blog is headed....ha!
Tonight, I hosted my first small group. For those of you unfamiliar with a small group, it's basically a group of people coming together to share life - because it can be hard to connect with folks if you go to a larger church. I've said for a while that when we moved, I would host a small group, and well, now is that time.
I actually felt nervous about the whole thing....to open up your house, invite people in, and then hope they get something out of the experience - connect on a level that makes them want to come back. It's like going on a blind date. =) You know you obviously have some things in common or you wouldn't be there, but are those things going to be enough to make you ask for a second go round.
However, somewhere in all those random thoughts, I had this one: "I want to have an open house". Not the kind where people come to see what you've accomplished, or marvel at how much junk you can shove in one desk, but where people feel welcome. Not only do I want to a have physical open house - where you can come in, relax, feel at peace, and make yourself at home, but I want my heart to be an open house. I want a heart that is open to people, vulnerable in relationships, and willing to share my experiences in hopes of being able to help someone else along the way and in turn receive encouragement and strength from their experiences. So, that is the approach I've decided to take. I decided it was best just to be the real Kim. After all, just like to have friends you must show yourself friendly - I believe that people will be able to tell if you're asking them to be open with you and yet holding back from them.
Tonight, as I get ready to go to bed, I am excited to see what the future holds. I look forward to an open house....with great anticipation. Excepting great things.
This is a beautiful life.
Okay, that was random, because that is not quite where this blog is headed....ha!
Tonight, I hosted my first small group. For those of you unfamiliar with a small group, it's basically a group of people coming together to share life - because it can be hard to connect with folks if you go to a larger church. I've said for a while that when we moved, I would host a small group, and well, now is that time.
I actually felt nervous about the whole thing....to open up your house, invite people in, and then hope they get something out of the experience - connect on a level that makes them want to come back. It's like going on a blind date. =) You know you obviously have some things in common or you wouldn't be there, but are those things going to be enough to make you ask for a second go round.
However, somewhere in all those random thoughts, I had this one: "I want to have an open house". Not the kind where people come to see what you've accomplished, or marvel at how much junk you can shove in one desk, but where people feel welcome. Not only do I want to a have physical open house - where you can come in, relax, feel at peace, and make yourself at home, but I want my heart to be an open house. I want a heart that is open to people, vulnerable in relationships, and willing to share my experiences in hopes of being able to help someone else along the way and in turn receive encouragement and strength from their experiences. So, that is the approach I've decided to take. I decided it was best just to be the real Kim. After all, just like to have friends you must show yourself friendly - I believe that people will be able to tell if you're asking them to be open with you and yet holding back from them.
Tonight, as I get ready to go to bed, I am excited to see what the future holds. I look forward to an open house....with great anticipation. Excepting great things.
This is a beautiful life.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Who Am I?
It's 4:30 on Sunday morning, and I am wide awake. Not only am I wide awake, but I have been so since 2:15. Why, you ask? Well, I have yet to figure that one out. As it usually happens when I wake up so early, I lie in bed for a little while and then start coming up with ideas of things I could do....Nair my legs, exercise, pay bills, go to Wal-Mart, paint my nails, check out my Facebook page, read, blog, pluck my eyebrows...you name it - I've probably gotten up to do it in the middle of the night. This time, I decided to go to Twitter and try to figure it out. After all, I set up an account over a year ago, but have yet to figure out how to use the darn thing. Truthfully, I've never really tried.
As any of you who have a Twitter account know, they have a character limit on updates....which is a dilemma for me. Because as any of you who know me know, while I was given the gift of communication (yeah, I know it might not be a gift, but I'm claiming it), I was not given, or maybe I just haven't developed, the art of succinct communication. When I see a place to update your profile and tell about yourself in 160 characters or less...I'm at a complete loss.
I sat there staring at the blank space wondering what 160 characters I would use to sum up who I am, and come up with absolutely nothing. Not one word - witty or otherwise to describe myself. I think I was too focused on not going over the limit, so I decided to just think about anything that describes me, my life experience, etc....
As I sat there thinking of the words that would describe me, I realized, that if I had to write down what others might use to describe me, I probably wouldn't look like much. You know what though? It's more important what He uses to describe me. Let's be real....I'd so much rather use that assessment than my own or that of anyone else.
So who am I?
In Him, I am not the sum of my life situations, circumstances, failures, short comings, or missed opportunities, but so much more. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, called with a story of my own, created in His likeness for a purpose much greater than I am or could ever hope to be on my own. I am strong in Him, triumphant, and free to be me.
At the end of the day (or morning - since it's just after 5), my Twitter profile says this about me:
Jesus follower, mother, sister, friend, and thankfully, through Him, more than what I would look like on paper.
And guess what? I still had 49 characters left to use...maybe I am getting better at using fewer words after all. Okay, probably not. =)
As any of you who have a Twitter account know, they have a character limit on updates....which is a dilemma for me. Because as any of you who know me know, while I was given the gift of communication (yeah, I know it might not be a gift, but I'm claiming it), I was not given, or maybe I just haven't developed, the art of succinct communication. When I see a place to update your profile and tell about yourself in 160 characters or less...I'm at a complete loss.
I sat there staring at the blank space wondering what 160 characters I would use to sum up who I am, and come up with absolutely nothing. Not one word - witty or otherwise to describe myself. I think I was too focused on not going over the limit, so I decided to just think about anything that describes me, my life experience, etc....
As I sat there thinking of the words that would describe me, I realized, that if I had to write down what others might use to describe me, I probably wouldn't look like much. You know what though? It's more important what He uses to describe me. Let's be real....I'd so much rather use that assessment than my own or that of anyone else.
So who am I?
In Him, I am not the sum of my life situations, circumstances, failures, short comings, or missed opportunities, but so much more. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, called with a story of my own, created in His likeness for a purpose much greater than I am or could ever hope to be on my own. I am strong in Him, triumphant, and free to be me.
At the end of the day (or morning - since it's just after 5), my Twitter profile says this about me:
Jesus follower, mother, sister, friend, and thankfully, through Him, more than what I would look like on paper.
And guess what? I still had 49 characters left to use...maybe I am getting better at using fewer words after all. Okay, probably not. =)
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
New Year - New Resolutions
I started writing this before New Year's, but as usual, I'm best when I procrastinate.....hahahahaha! Maybe I should make that a new goal. Okay, probably not.
Well, it's that time of year again. You know, the time I sit down, think about where I am, where I want to be, and promptly come up with some off the wall plan on how I'm going to get there.
Okay, so I'm taking a different approach to my resolutions this year. Instead of saying I'm gonna lose more weight than the total body weight of a small child, save more money than I make in two years, or read my Bible through three times, I'm going to be realistic in my approach. Here we go:
1. Spend more quality time reading my Bible or doing my devotionals than I do now. I'm not saying I'm going to read more necessarily, but focus more on what I'm reading. It's not a contest. I don't think there's a point system that says "Wow, Kim read 4 chapters tonight and Suzie only read 2. Kim's clearly the winner". =)
2. Whether I lose a single pound or not, I will exercise more. I love boot camp class - okay, so not while I'm in it, but shortly after we're done - and I intend to pick up an interval running class as well. Once again - it's not a competition, but it's about me feeling like I'm doing something better for my overall health.
3. Have people over more often. I want to cook dinner for friends and family and just enjoy sharing life together in a real way. No pretenses, no expectations - just good company sharing good times.
4. Make a cleaning/yard schedule and stay on it - not at the expense of missing out with the people in my life, but so that we are able to spend more time relaxing in the end. I believe that being on a schedule actually frees you up to do other things.
5. Find ways to give back to my community - and get about proactively accomplishing that. After all, who doesn't feel better after giving back to someone with no thought for what you might get in return. There are plenty of people in need - and not just financially - and I might be the person who has something to offer them. To be honest, it will probably be a time or volunteer commitment over a monetary one, but that can be as valuable as money sometimes.
6. Last, but not least, take the time to really tell those around me how much they mean to me. After all, if I lost all the weight, cleaned the house top to bottom every single day, and helped all the needy people in Pensacola, but didn't appreciate the people in my life, I would have failed.
This is our one shot - one opportunity. I want to wake up each morning expecting to make a difference where I am, who I am, and with what talents I naturally have to offer, in some one's life.
Well, it's that time of year again. You know, the time I sit down, think about where I am, where I want to be, and promptly come up with some off the wall plan on how I'm going to get there.
Okay, so I'm taking a different approach to my resolutions this year. Instead of saying I'm gonna lose more weight than the total body weight of a small child, save more money than I make in two years, or read my Bible through three times, I'm going to be realistic in my approach. Here we go:
1. Spend more quality time reading my Bible or doing my devotionals than I do now. I'm not saying I'm going to read more necessarily, but focus more on what I'm reading. It's not a contest. I don't think there's a point system that says "Wow, Kim read 4 chapters tonight and Suzie only read 2. Kim's clearly the winner". =)
2. Whether I lose a single pound or not, I will exercise more. I love boot camp class - okay, so not while I'm in it, but shortly after we're done - and I intend to pick up an interval running class as well. Once again - it's not a competition, but it's about me feeling like I'm doing something better for my overall health.
3. Have people over more often. I want to cook dinner for friends and family and just enjoy sharing life together in a real way. No pretenses, no expectations - just good company sharing good times.
4. Make a cleaning/yard schedule and stay on it - not at the expense of missing out with the people in my life, but so that we are able to spend more time relaxing in the end. I believe that being on a schedule actually frees you up to do other things.
5. Find ways to give back to my community - and get about proactively accomplishing that. After all, who doesn't feel better after giving back to someone with no thought for what you might get in return. There are plenty of people in need - and not just financially - and I might be the person who has something to offer them. To be honest, it will probably be a time or volunteer commitment over a monetary one, but that can be as valuable as money sometimes.
6. Last, but not least, take the time to really tell those around me how much they mean to me. After all, if I lost all the weight, cleaned the house top to bottom every single day, and helped all the needy people in Pensacola, but didn't appreciate the people in my life, I would have failed.
This is our one shot - one opportunity. I want to wake up each morning expecting to make a difference where I am, who I am, and with what talents I naturally have to offer, in some one's life.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Let's Put It In Perspective...
I'm sitting here on the couch, looking at boxes stacked around me, the cats sleeping - one on the couch, one on the floor - watching the First 48 on A&E, and trying to will away a nervous stomach.
See, here's what happens in Kim's World...I make a plan, I try to stick to the plan, I get my ducks in a row, and then I stress out when the plan doesn't go quite as I planned. Really if you know me, that doesn't surprise you. It's one of my only faults. ha! I've said it before and I'll say it again - I must actually think that I can control all the circumstances. I mean - don't you know - my plan is the one to stick with? Which reminded me that sometimes some of the best things in life happen outside of my plan.
You see, 7 years ago I was a stay at home mom - pretty much living the only life I had ever imagined and really ever wanted to imagine. I loved being home with JD, being a homemaker, and never wanted anything outside of that. Little did I know that less than three weeks later I would be going through a divorce, feeling like my entire world was turned upside down and wondering how in the world I was going to make it on my own. I was working night shift at Waffle House - and for those of you wondering if you make good money at Waffle House - you might, but not if you're working the one behind Winn Dixie on Blue Angel Parkway. ha! To say I was struggling, would put it mildly. Not just struggling financially, but emotionally, and any other way you could imagine. I put a brave face on, smiled when I had to, cried when nobody was looking, held onto JD for all I was worth, and did some serious talking with God. I mean I pretty much told Him how I felt about everything - and it wasn't all good, but it was honest. I felt let down, heartbroken, disillusioned, angry, sad, old, overwhelmed, - but never never did I feel hopeless. I felt cautiously optimistic at times, even excited to see how this would all play out, at others. I realized that divorce was not the hardest thing I had ever been through, and that just like I got through the other, I could make it through this. I just really didn't know how. I would cook Ramen or hot dogs when JD was with his dad so I could afford to make a "real" meal when he was with me. I would lie awake at night and worry, and worry, and then worry more. This was DEFINITELY NOT my plan.
However, almost 7 years later, it is amazing to see the process this has been. I worked at Waffle House, where I met several people who worked at the Oyster Bar on Perdido Key, who encouraged me to get a job there. I was hired the day I applied. I then got a second job working at Baptist Hospital, where I met a doctor, who would in turn put me in touch with a lady named Patricia Breeland, who would give me an opportunity to start with the Andrews Institute after Hurricane Ivan destroyed the Oyster Bar. From there, I left Liberty Church Blue Angel campus to help start North Campus, where I met Heather Slane, who would put me in touch with a job where I was an Executive Assistant for a lady with a local company - and through that experience, I had the skills and the confidence to apply for the job that I have been at for almost four years.
The day I moved into this apartment, it was cold, dreary and I was just so sad. It was my first time staying by myself overnight. Seriously. Ever. I was almost 25 and had never stayed in a house by myself overnight. This week, when we leave this apartment, it will almost seem like a lifetime ago. In some ways it is. In the past seven years, I've cried a lot, laughed even more than I cried, watched my son grow into almost a teenager, learned how to be a working mom, and who Kim really is. I have made new friends, lost a great friend to cancer, become closer to my sisters than I could have ever imagined, met people who have changed my life, learned how to bake a pretty awesome (if I do say so myself) carrot cake, focused on what was best for my child - not always what was easiest for me. I have discovered that I can say no. I can think for myself. I can state my opinion. I have kind of become a bit of a book hoarder - evidenced by the fact that I overwhelmed the Goodwill guy tonight will all the books I gave away. ha! I had added to the fine lines on my face, fallen down the stairs (literally) five times, and fixed my own toilet (yes, I'll be proud of that until the day I die). Most importantly, I realized that I can still love with all my heart.
After Hurricane Ivan, I can remember driving around and looking at houses and feeling so sad thinking that I would not be able to afford a house for me and JD. Housing prices were through the roof and I was still barely making it. So, if I seem a little emotional, excited, or just plain out crazy over the fact that we will be closing on a house this week, please know it really is just because this day seemed almost impossible to me not too very long ago. I am sure I will cry when we close. Heck, to be honest, I am crying now. Not because I am sad, but because I am so absolutely overwhelmed with thankfulness at how a plan that was not my plan is turning out. It's turning out to be a plan I could have never imagined - and I'm so thankful that my plan isn't always the one that is followed.
In closing - here are a few, very superficial, things I'm looking forward to about living in our house - not necessarily in order:
1. Being able to play Just Dance without worrying if the downstairs neighbors are going to get ticked off at us jumping around. Heck, we're gonna stay up until Midnight and jump rope in the house on the first night - just because we can.
2. Not having to take the trash down the stairs, to the car, to the dumpster - which never fails is always overflowing with yucky trash.
3. Getting to park in the garage - and not having to wait for the car to defrost to leave the house.
4. Not having people leave trash, half eaten pizzas, or rotten Jack O'Lanterns on our front doorstep.
5. Not having to carry 40 pounds of cat litter upstairs - cause y'all know I like to buy in bulk.
6. A nice large pantry to free up some space in my kitchen cabinets.
7. Neighbors to get to know - and a neighborhood to walk in.
Okay, this list is getting long, so I think y'all get the point. This could go on all night. ha!
This is an amazingly beautiful life, and I'm thankful for this opportunity.
See, here's what happens in Kim's World...I make a plan, I try to stick to the plan, I get my ducks in a row, and then I stress out when the plan doesn't go quite as I planned. Really if you know me, that doesn't surprise you. It's one of my only faults. ha! I've said it before and I'll say it again - I must actually think that I can control all the circumstances. I mean - don't you know - my plan is the one to stick with? Which reminded me that sometimes some of the best things in life happen outside of my plan.
You see, 7 years ago I was a stay at home mom - pretty much living the only life I had ever imagined and really ever wanted to imagine. I loved being home with JD, being a homemaker, and never wanted anything outside of that. Little did I know that less than three weeks later I would be going through a divorce, feeling like my entire world was turned upside down and wondering how in the world I was going to make it on my own. I was working night shift at Waffle House - and for those of you wondering if you make good money at Waffle House - you might, but not if you're working the one behind Winn Dixie on Blue Angel Parkway. ha! To say I was struggling, would put it mildly. Not just struggling financially, but emotionally, and any other way you could imagine. I put a brave face on, smiled when I had to, cried when nobody was looking, held onto JD for all I was worth, and did some serious talking with God. I mean I pretty much told Him how I felt about everything - and it wasn't all good, but it was honest. I felt let down, heartbroken, disillusioned, angry, sad, old, overwhelmed, - but never never did I feel hopeless. I felt cautiously optimistic at times, even excited to see how this would all play out, at others. I realized that divorce was not the hardest thing I had ever been through, and that just like I got through the other, I could make it through this. I just really didn't know how. I would cook Ramen or hot dogs when JD was with his dad so I could afford to make a "real" meal when he was with me. I would lie awake at night and worry, and worry, and then worry more. This was DEFINITELY NOT my plan.
However, almost 7 years later, it is amazing to see the process this has been. I worked at Waffle House, where I met several people who worked at the Oyster Bar on Perdido Key, who encouraged me to get a job there. I was hired the day I applied. I then got a second job working at Baptist Hospital, where I met a doctor, who would in turn put me in touch with a lady named Patricia Breeland, who would give me an opportunity to start with the Andrews Institute after Hurricane Ivan destroyed the Oyster Bar. From there, I left Liberty Church Blue Angel campus to help start North Campus, where I met Heather Slane, who would put me in touch with a job where I was an Executive Assistant for a lady with a local company - and through that experience, I had the skills and the confidence to apply for the job that I have been at for almost four years.
The day I moved into this apartment, it was cold, dreary and I was just so sad. It was my first time staying by myself overnight. Seriously. Ever. I was almost 25 and had never stayed in a house by myself overnight. This week, when we leave this apartment, it will almost seem like a lifetime ago. In some ways it is. In the past seven years, I've cried a lot, laughed even more than I cried, watched my son grow into almost a teenager, learned how to be a working mom, and who Kim really is. I have made new friends, lost a great friend to cancer, become closer to my sisters than I could have ever imagined, met people who have changed my life, learned how to bake a pretty awesome (if I do say so myself) carrot cake, focused on what was best for my child - not always what was easiest for me. I have discovered that I can say no. I can think for myself. I can state my opinion. I have kind of become a bit of a book hoarder - evidenced by the fact that I overwhelmed the Goodwill guy tonight will all the books I gave away. ha! I had added to the fine lines on my face, fallen down the stairs (literally) five times, and fixed my own toilet (yes, I'll be proud of that until the day I die). Most importantly, I realized that I can still love with all my heart.
After Hurricane Ivan, I can remember driving around and looking at houses and feeling so sad thinking that I would not be able to afford a house for me and JD. Housing prices were through the roof and I was still barely making it. So, if I seem a little emotional, excited, or just plain out crazy over the fact that we will be closing on a house this week, please know it really is just because this day seemed almost impossible to me not too very long ago. I am sure I will cry when we close. Heck, to be honest, I am crying now. Not because I am sad, but because I am so absolutely overwhelmed with thankfulness at how a plan that was not my plan is turning out. It's turning out to be a plan I could have never imagined - and I'm so thankful that my plan isn't always the one that is followed.
In closing - here are a few, very superficial, things I'm looking forward to about living in our house - not necessarily in order:
1. Being able to play Just Dance without worrying if the downstairs neighbors are going to get ticked off at us jumping around. Heck, we're gonna stay up until Midnight and jump rope in the house on the first night - just because we can.
2. Not having to take the trash down the stairs, to the car, to the dumpster - which never fails is always overflowing with yucky trash.
3. Getting to park in the garage - and not having to wait for the car to defrost to leave the house.
4. Not having people leave trash, half eaten pizzas, or rotten Jack O'Lanterns on our front doorstep.
5. Not having to carry 40 pounds of cat litter upstairs - cause y'all know I like to buy in bulk.
6. A nice large pantry to free up some space in my kitchen cabinets.
7. Neighbors to get to know - and a neighborhood to walk in.
Okay, this list is getting long, so I think y'all get the point. This could go on all night. ha!
This is an amazingly beautiful life, and I'm thankful for this opportunity.
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