Sunday, June 19, 2011

From Mother's Day to Father's Day and All The Miles In Between...

Well, it's Father's Day and a lot has happened since I made the decision to do this half marathon journey on Mother's Day. 

First off, I am actually able to run - okay, a very very very slow jog, for almost an hour.  I am strictly staying on my running schedule, so I've only had to do 50 minutes so far, but still.  I seriously NEVER thought I'd be able to continuously jog for that length of time in just 6 weeks of training - or EVER - for that matter.  Y'all might be questioning how I signed up to do a half marathon thinking I wouldn't be able to run for at least an hour - knowing that a half marathon in 13.1 miles - but my goal was never to run the whole thing, only to finish....crawling if I had to.  I tell people that I'm pretty certain if the neighbors are looking out the window they probably have to stare a few minutes to decipher if I'm running in place or actually going somewhere I'm moving so slow, but I'm still doing it!  The goal is to not injure myself so I'm being careful to not push myself too far too soon.  November is still awhile away.

Second, I've realized that Vain Inner Kim is silenced - at least temporarily.  I rarely - okay, never - match when I walk out the door to train.  I'm proudly wearing my scary running pants, dark purple sports bra, and lime green tank top.  Y'all I even bought - okay I hesitate to say "fanny pack" - but it is a small fanny pack.  It's just big enough to hold my cell phone and keys, but it is still a glorified runner's fanny pack.  I strap that thing on each morning and then pretend like it's not there.  The neighbors see me sweat soaked, running around, sometimes singing out loud, and I don't even care anymore.  Of course, when Laura is with me, I still don't match, but the talking to myself and singing are out.  ha!

Third, I've realized that while I must like every song on my iPod because I'm the one who bought all the music, I only like about one in every ten songs when it is on shuffle.  No, seriously.  I think the reason some of my long runs seem to go by fast is because I'm spending most of the time hitting the "forward" button my iPod to move to the next song.  What is up with that?  I've made an "exercise" play list, but let's be real, there are only so many times you can listen to the same songs OVER and OVER before you start to get grumpy.

Along this same vein I've realized that some of the songs I thought would motivate and got put in the "exercise" play list, only managed to tick my off by the time I got to them.  Take for instance, Summertime by Kenny Chesney.  Now, I LOVE that song.  I put it on my play list and thought it would be a nice fun song to listen to.  Well, one Saturday, I was out jogging around the neighborhood and I had a later start, so it was burning up outside.  I was cursing the fact that there are no trees in the neighborhood and wondering what the cost would be to transplant full grown oaks in every yard along my run, when said song came on.  All of a sudden, my fun song made me feel grumpier.  Here Kenny is singing along all great about how the temperature says 93 down at the deposit and guarantee, but that swimming hole is nice and cold, and all I could think was "Buddy, I don't even know what I ever liked about this song...who thinks 93 degree weather is something to wax poetic about - obviously someone from North Dakota or somewhere super cold who doesn't even know what 93 degree weather feels like."  Never mind that Kenny Chesney is from Tennessee, not North Dakota, and I'm not even sure who wrote the song, but I was not being reasonable.  hahaha!  On the other hand, one day I was struggling along and "Are You Ready For A Miracle" came blaring out. That pepped me right up.  Plus, I got to laughing thinking about how me - running - is very close to a miracle.

Fourth, I've realized that I absolutely LOVE my Nike+ app, but I am so glad that I could change the voice from female to male.  Now, this is where y'all are going to think I've lost my mind, but I'm okay with that.  You see, the default on mine was set to a female voice and each time you reach certain milestones along your way the voice comes on to let you know where you are.  All I could picture was some super skinny woman, who believes that two pieces of lettuce and an ounce of grilled chicken make a meal, who has been running since she was 9 months old, running backwards in front of me, not even breaking a sweat, beckoning me to run faster.  All the while, I only want to catch up to her so I can kick her.  Did I mention that y'all might think I was crazy?  So, I changed it to the male voice.  Now, in my head, this guy is just as fit as the female, but he's more comfortable in his own skin, so instead of running backwards in front of me, I picture some guy sitting in a lawn chair - feet up on a Gatorade water cooler - just waiting for me to run by and encourage me and he somehow magically appears at all the milestones along the run.  Crazy?  Maybe.  However, it's working for me.  haha!

Fifth, I've realized that I think about my feet more than ever.  No, really, it's true.  I am constantly concerned with my feet.  I bought new shoes for work and boy, they are unattractive, but they are comfortable.  I'm about to stop gifting myself with pedicures as weight loss celebrations and come up with a new gift.  I just don't want anything to happen to my feet.  Let's be real - nothing will throw your plan of quicker than sore feet.  So, I am doing everything I can do make sure I'm good to my feet.  I'm almost obsessive about it.  I did go get a pedicure a couple of weeks back and I found myself more uptight than relaxed when it came time for them to exfoliate and when they brought out the clippers, I really felt like this wasn't a good idea.  So, there will probably be no wearing of any of the 4" heels I own between now and then.  Probably no wearing of cute shoes at all.  Boo.  Someone needs to design shoes that are both cute and comfortable.  Really people....we either have one or the other.  It's time for someone to come through for me on this.

Since this could go on and on, I'll close with this.  I've realized that the vast majority of people who hear I'm training to do a half marathon will say "I could NEVER do that...I can't even run to the mailbox, or kitchen, or fill in the blank with some ridiculously short distance".  I think "I know y'all are looking at me and are not seeing a runner's body here."  I then tell them "Yeah, you could.  You just have to make up your mind that you are going to do it and then start."  Sure, there are people who legitimately cannot do the half marathon because of physical limitations, but most people could do it with a bit of mental strength.  I saw a bumper sticker and this person was a marathon runner.  How did I know that?  Well, because they proudly had stickers all over their mom van.  Anyways, this sticker said "It's not amazing that I finished - what's amazing is that I had the courage to start."  There is a ton of truth to that.  Isn't that how it is with most things in life?

And just in case you're wondering.....when I complete those 13.1 miles, there is a good chance I'm going to have every single piece of clothing I own monogrammed with 13.1.  Seriously.  Forget just putting a magnetic sticker on my car - I'm going to go all out.  Who knows - I might get a gigantic 13.1 tattoo.  Okay, probably no tattoo.  That might be a little much. 

This is a beautiful life!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Get Your Run On...

Lately, I've had an old blog post on my mind.  Sometimes I blog because I think that maybe - just maybe - if someone stumbled across this they might read something that would encourage them where they are.  However, I also blog just for myself.  It's a stress reliever, an outlet, a way to remember some of my past journeys - a story, written in my own words, which I sometimes come back to just to reflect on where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going.

So, even though this post was originally written in the Fall, and it certainly is not Fall-like weather outside, I wanted to share this again.  Pretty appropriate that with all the running I've been doing lately training for the half marathon I would be thinking of an old post about running.

I hope you enjoy....and although it was 100 degrees outside today, I still look forward to going out and running tomorrow.  =)

Originally Posted October 20, 2008

Okay, so I know I tend to blog a lot about the same things...however, I guess it's just me. Maybe that means God is trying to tell me something and apparently He feels the need to tell me over and over because I'm a little thick headed. In turn, I share it with y'all.

Tonight, I decided to run down the road for something...not literally, but in the car. It was right before the sun was starting to set, and as I headed out I couldn't help but notice just how beautiful it was outside. It just felt clean. I ran my errand, and headed back west - right into the beautiful sunset. I felt like I could drive forever - and just watch the sun go down. It was a sky filled with colors that really have no names...hard to describe because words like, pink, orange, red, with a hint of blue, just don't seem to describe the majestic painting that was there for all to see. Once again...Fall is here.

This is my probably my favorite time of year to run. The air feels clean and crisp, and after months of feeling like you are breathing under water with all the humidity, you really appreciate the change. It's like one day it is 97 degrees with 98% humidity, and the next it is a nice 80 without humidity.

On my drive tonight I once again began to think about how we are all running. We are either running from something or to something, and sometimes we are doing both.

Sometimes we lace up our shoes and just start running trying to outrun ourselves, or someone else, and we have no destination in mind - just running to get away. We run until we can't breathe, until our legs are jelly, until there is no thought but just putting one foot in front of the other and moving. We run so that we don't have to think. We get up, go to work, go through the motions, compartmentalize, run home, do all of our errands, and run until exhausted, we fall asleep - or not. Even then, we are running to something. However, because we are running blindly, we are not creating our destiny, but desperately just trying to stay out of the pot holes, briars, or ditches that come up. We have our heads down, blinders on, and just can't seem to stop for fear that the stray dog that is chasing us just might catch up. We know that if we stop, we are through. We are running out of desperation.

Then there are the times when we lace up, map out our plan, strap on the iPod, drink some water, open the door to a new day, and begin a run that will put us on the path to fulfilling God's greatness in our life. We say a prayer, we put our faith in Him, and we set out. We start at a nice jog, breathe in the fresh clean air, feel our muscles start to kick in, and realize that this will be a fantastic run. We look at the obstacles around us - the pot holes, briars, ditches, stray dogs - and see them for what they really are - just a test for our strength. We look around and see the wondrous mercies that have been afforded us. We take in the scenery. We pick up the pace, wave to the neighbors, run with our head held high, run until our legs start to feel stronger, until our lungs are filled with praise, until our heart starts to beat with His. We run until we realize that while we might have mapped out a plan, He has a greater one. He has a plan that might not lead us where we thought - as a matter of fact, it probably won't - yet, we look around and can see that you are right where you are supposed to be. We are running out of praise, out of love, out of thankfulness, out of excitement for the future.

I have been in both pairs of shoes...on both paths. I ran out of desperation. I ran until I realized that unless I am running out of love, I'm not going to be able to complete the course. I ran until, exhausted, I finally decided that nothing, not even the pot holes, briars, and dogs, could be worse than that feeling. Nothing could be worse than always trying to run faster - and not being able to outrun the true reason I felt couldn't stop - because no matter how fast I ran, I couldn't outrun myself. I woke up and realized that I was so tangled up in everything, that I was really running in place, like on a treadmill, and it would never end. I took off the blinders, looked around, and promptly broke down.

Then thankfully, I began to run again. I began to move in a new way, with new thoughts, with new beginnings. I stepped off the treadmill, and hit the road. I gave it over, and now I no longer run alone. I always have Him there to guide me. I have Him to run ahead, check out the path, and tell me how to proceed. Now, do I always go with the plan? I would like to say, yes, however, sometimes I forget that I don't have to do it on my own. You know what, though? As soon as I come back to my senses, He is still there waiting. Always waiting for me. Always reminding me that the path ahead will lead to His plan. Always telling me that even when it's raining, when the mosquitoes are out, when the sun is so hot it is almost like the pavement is melting, when the path is bumpy, He is right there.

So, tonight, I am thankful. I'm thankful for this beautiful weather, thankful for this beautiful life. I am most thankful for His plan for my life. I am ready to put on my running shoes and continue to run into my destiny. The one that is created just for me - not out of desperation, but out of love. I am thankful that I don't have to do it on my own, because truly I am not that strong.

I hope y'all have a wonderful night! I am so looking forward to literally putting on my running shoes tomorrow, and taking it outside! Woo hoo!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

I Want To Be A Dreamer When I Grow Up...

When you were little and you were asked what you wanted to be;  a fireman, doctor, teacher, farmer, author, President, there were no limits to what we could dream up.  I've thought a lot about this lately and wondered when did we stop dreaming? 

Years back, I remember telling someone how excited I was that I had a job with benefits.  My exact quote was something along these lines "When I was a kid I used to dream of being an author or teacher or stay at home mom, now my dream job is just one that includes health insurance."  Don't get me wrong, that is very important, but is that really my "dream" job?

So, the questions for myself are:  What do I dream about?  Why did I stop dreaming?  What does it hurt if I start dreaming again? 

I have heard a lot of people talk about how you stop dreaming because you have been hurt or not been able to see your dreams come to life.  I do agree with that - I mean we all know that there are only so many times you can go out on a limb,and have that limb come crashing down - only to have our fall broken by all the other limbs on the way down - to realize that it is much safer by the trunk of the tree or even better on the ground.  However, I also think we stop dreaming because we become distracted....distracted by life.  We go to work, clean our house, pay our bills, and one day we wake up and realize that we have been working towards a lot of things - some of them very important - but we lost our dream.  We've lost the wonder of believing that anything was possible.  We've settled for the mundane.

Now, I'm not saying that  you should wake up and leave all your responsibilities to go pan for gold in North Carolina because you've always dreamed you'd find the mother load, but what does your heart really desire?  When the lights go down and it is just you - what do you dream about? 

I think it's important to find that place again.  It's important to open up my heart and dare to dream again.  It's important to realize that my dream is as unique as I am and it is there for a reason.  What does it hurt to dream big?  What is the worst possible thing that could happen from having a dream that seems larger than I am? 

I read a quote - which I absolutely LOVE - and think I might have to put on the fridge:

~If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves~
Thomas Edison

Thomas Edison...now that's a man who knew what it was like to dream.  Can you imagine if he had thought his dreams were too big to see come true?  Think of how different our lives would be.  That's a person who didn't wait for someone else to validate his dreams before he went for them. 

So, here I am...June 5, 2011 - deciding to start dreaming.  Get ready y'all because this could get good.  =)

This is a beautiful, dream filled life.

I Do, Backwards Pants, Tossing Cookies, and Towels on the Carpet...

As you may or may not know - more likely may, since I talked about it for a year - my younger sister, Mae-Beth, got married last weekend.  It was a GREAT time filled with laughter, tears, kickball, manicures, and even beer - for those drinking beer.  I'm personally not a drinker because of two main reasons #1 and really important - I have never found anything that I thought actually tasted good and #2 - I like being in control too much, am always the driver, and don't want to feel like crud the next day.  Okay, that was really like reasons 2, 3, and 4, but you get the point.  =)

That being said, when I woke up on Sunday morning, I felt like someone who had been drinking the day before.  It suddenly dawned on me that I probably had not drank enough water and we had spent most of the day outside in over 90 degree weather.  Yeah, I was a little dehydrated.  That wasn't going to stop me though - I was staying on the half marathon plan.  So, I left my house, met Laura, and did three miles all the while wondering why my pants kept feeling like they were slipping in the back.  I was aggravated.  I had a headache, it was H-O-T hot outside and dadgum if my pants weren't slipping down.  ARGH!!  I got back to the house, go to get in the shower and had to laugh...I had put my pants on backwards.  Nice.  Just nice.  I decided the hardest decision I would make the rest of that day would be whether I was going to eat leftovers or just some peanut butter toast for dinner. 

On Tuesday, I got up, met Laura, and she informed me that her friend - the one who I'm hoping likes to water her grass while we run - is going to go with us.  So, we go off in to meet her at her house...only she's not there, so we take shortcuts through the neighborhood and still can't find her.  Turns out - she was taking shortcuts looking for us.  It was already warm outside, but reminded me why I love to exercise in the mornings because it is not nearly as hot outside at 5 as it is at 8.  No, not nearly.  It's amazing how much of a difference a few hours can make.

When I got to work on Tuesday, a reminder popped up on my calendar that a few of us were supposed to go to lunch for finishing a major project.  I had totally forgotten about that, but it was a free lunch so YEA!  Let me just say, that "free" lunch cost me a lot more than anticipated.  Within a short period after finishing lunch, I knew something was very wrong.  More wrong than I like to admit.  Wrong enough that I tossed my cookies four times from the time I got back to the office from lunch until I walked in my house less than an hour later.  Even the cats wouldn't come around.  Seriously.  For almost an entire day, when I would walk in one room, they would run out.  Probably because it was more like I was running past them to the bathroom, but still.  ha!  I lost 4.5 pounds in a day and decided to not do any exercise on Wednesday.  It was the first time since I've started this program that I had an unscheduled rest day.  I needed it.

It's been four weeks since I've made the decision to run/walk a half marathon, and one action made me realize even further the difference between renting and owning my own home.  You see, last Sunday, when I was sooo hot, I stumbled into the house, wanting nothing more than to chug 4 cups of water and lie down under the ceiling fan.  The only problem with that is I was soaked with sweat.  Yes, soaked.  Ugh.  Now, some of y'all wouldn't see what the problem is - and honestly, 6 months ago, I wouldn't have either, but now I am a homeowner.  I'm a homeowner who doesn't want my sweat soaked body laid out on my carpet - only to sweat soak my new carpet.  So, I did what anyone would do...I put a towel down and promptly did my best Rip Van Winkle impression - well, if Rip Van Winkle had just finished exercising in the Florida heat, lacking hydration, and facial hair (I know y'all have seen the beard on that mug and I'm not sporting a beard...thankfully - because I just realized how nasty that would have been after a run....ewwwwww).

Anyways, now I have a pre-run/walk routine.  I get a huge cup of water, put it on the coffee table, put a towel down beside said coffee table and make sure all is ready to go for when I come back.  That way, all I have to do is come in the door, unlace my shoes, take about 6 more steps and everything I need to recover is waiting on me.  =)  I say it's pretty smart - you might think it's weird - I'm okay with that...after all, this is about me, right?  hahaha! 

This is a beautiful life!