Go Confidently

As you go to leave my house, if you look on the left wall beside the door, you will see a sign that says:

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.  Life the life you have imagined." 

I wonder Henry David Thoreau had any idea how long after he was gone that people would still quote him?  I digress.

When I put that saying there I really liked it because theoretically you would see that as you were going from the house and maybe remember that on the way out.  Well, for that to work for us, I guess I should have posted it in the laundry room leading out to the garage, since that is how we leave most of the time.  =)

This blog might just affirm that I have undiagnosed ADD. 

Anyways, after making a commitment to run a full marathon, I decided to break it up into more manageable race goals.  For instance, a 5k coming up, a 15k in February, a half marathon in San Diego in June, and then the full Marine Corps Marathon in October 2013.  I contacted my friend out in San Diego and decided to plan to get out there for the half. 

Well, a couple of weeks back, she sends an innocent enough looking post on my Facebook and asks if instead of the half, I would do the Tough Mudder.  Now, I'm not sure if you have seen the Tough Mudder website, but it is intense.  It is a 10-12 mile run with obstacle course.  Obviously, in the mud.  I immediately felt sick.  Like physically ill at the thought of someone like me trying to complete the course.  I was counting myself out before I even began.  I thought about it and then responded back that I would do it.  I don't know what got into me.  I was absolutely terrified.  What terrified me the most is that this is best as a team event, so I would be on a team with some of their friends who I'm sure, like them, are super fit.  Terrified.

I woke up the next morning, and decided to stop counting myself out.  I believe that we become who we think we are and if I believe I am nonathletic and not capable - then I become that.  Well, from now on - I am not saying that to myself again.  There are areas of my life that I would never even consider telling myself I am not capable, but in this area, I have told that to myself my entire life.  I have decided to not only go confidently, but go boldly in the direction of my dreams.

This is a beautiful life.  One that I will live boldly.

Back Again...

Well, after a great start to the year, and really blogging consistently about my weight loss journey, I fell off the blogging band wagon.  Truthfully, that is not the only band wagon I fell off.

Since February, a lot of things - some great, some not so great - have transpired around here.  In April, JD went to a state competition in Orlando and advanced to World Finals, which in turn meant we went to Iowa for a week in May.  Not only did I spend the month between Orlando and Iowa stressing out over what would eventually be an amazing financial blessing from God, I spent that month pretty much eating how I wanted - when I wanted.  June came, with a complete lack of motivation and feeling down on myself, but determined to get in back together come July.  Well....July started with the death of a co-worker - completely unexpected and utterly devastating to me as this person decided to take his own life, and then a few days later, another employee was killed on the job.  Needless to say, it seemed as if July went by in a whirlwind of funerals and sadness.  However, come August, I knew it was time to crack back down.  Not only had I sadly gained back the weight I lost, but I was completely in a rut.  Not just physically, but spiritually as well.

One Sunday, I decided to do something drastic.  I made a plan to train and run my first marathon.  That's right, on Sunday August 12, 2012, I committed to training and running a full marathon in October of 2013.  Now some of you might think that this is crazy.  However, I completed the half marathon and I know that if I put the time in, I will complete the full.  Yet, this commitment isn't just to running.  It is about reminding myself who I am.  I am not a failure.  I am not someone who will struggle with weight loss for the rest of her life.  I am someone who is taking control.  I know that to complete the marathon and do it in a healthy way, I will have to lose some of this weight I am carrying around.  Well, I am looking at it as not only losing some physical weight, but losing some emotional weight, too.  I have realized that I am not overweight because of a medical issue, or because of a lack of knowledge; I am overweight because of a heart issue.

I find that I struggle with admitting out loud - or at least in written word - when I am down or feeling defeated.  I think I struggle with that because I know how blessed I am, so when I do feel down I then start to feel guilty.  Yes, it is a vicious cycle.  Yet, I have decided to blog here and just be completely honest with where I am.  I also think that I sometimes feel like others have bigger things they are going through and it is selfish of me to want something different when I know how absolutely great I do have it. 

So, I'm back...and determined to allow God to work in all areas of my life - not just the easy ones.

This really is a beautiful life.