I'm sitting here on the couch, looking at boxes stacked around me, the cats sleeping - one on the couch, one on the floor - watching the First 48 on A&E, and trying to will away a nervous stomach.
See, here's what happens in Kim's World...I make a plan, I try to stick to the plan, I get my ducks in a row, and then I stress out when the plan doesn't go quite as I planned. Really if you know me, that doesn't surprise you. It's one of my only faults. ha! I've said it before and I'll say it again - I must actually think that I can control all the circumstances. I mean - don't you know - my plan is the one to stick with? Which reminded me that sometimes some of the best things in life happen outside of my plan.
You see, 7 years ago I was a stay at home mom - pretty much living the only life I had ever imagined and really ever wanted to imagine. I loved being home with JD, being a homemaker, and never wanted anything outside of that. Little did I know that less than three weeks later I would be going through a divorce, feeling like my entire world was turned upside down and wondering how in the world I was going to make it on my own. I was working night shift at Waffle House - and for those of you wondering if you make good money at Waffle House - you might, but not if you're working the one behind Winn Dixie on Blue Angel Parkway. ha! To say I was struggling, would put it mildly. Not just struggling financially, but emotionally, and any other way you could imagine. I put a brave face on, smiled when I had to, cried when nobody was looking, held onto JD for all I was worth, and did some serious talking with God. I mean I pretty much told Him how I felt about everything - and it wasn't all good, but it was honest. I felt let down, heartbroken, disillusioned, angry, sad, old, overwhelmed, - but never never did I feel hopeless. I felt cautiously optimistic at times, even excited to see how this would all play out, at others. I realized that divorce was not the hardest thing I had ever been through, and that just like I got through the other, I could make it through this. I just really didn't know how. I would cook Ramen or hot dogs when JD was with his dad so I could afford to make a "real" meal when he was with me. I would lie awake at night and worry, and worry, and then worry more. This was DEFINITELY NOT my plan.
However, almost 7 years later, it is amazing to see the process this has been. I worked at Waffle House, where I met several people who worked at the Oyster Bar on Perdido Key, who encouraged me to get a job there. I was hired the day I applied. I then got a second job working at Baptist Hospital, where I met a doctor, who would in turn put me in touch with a lady named Patricia Breeland, who would give me an opportunity to start with the Andrews Institute after Hurricane Ivan destroyed the Oyster Bar. From there, I left Liberty Church Blue Angel campus to help start North Campus, where I met Heather Slane, who would put me in touch with a job where I was an Executive Assistant for a lady with a local company - and through that experience, I had the skills and the confidence to apply for the job that I have been at for almost four years.
The day I moved into this apartment, it was cold, dreary and I was just so sad. It was my first time staying by myself overnight. Seriously. Ever. I was almost 25 and had never stayed in a house by myself overnight. This week, when we leave this apartment, it will almost seem like a lifetime ago. In some ways it is. In the past seven years, I've cried a lot, laughed even more than I cried, watched my son grow into almost a teenager, learned how to be a working mom, and who Kim really is. I have made new friends, lost a great friend to cancer, become closer to my sisters than I could have ever imagined, met people who have changed my life, learned how to bake a pretty awesome (if I do say so myself) carrot cake, focused on what was best for my child - not always what was easiest for me. I have discovered that I can say no. I can think for myself. I can state my opinion. I have kind of become a bit of a book hoarder - evidenced by the fact that I overwhelmed the Goodwill guy tonight will all the books I gave away. ha! I had added to the fine lines on my face, fallen down the stairs (literally) five times, and fixed my own toilet (yes, I'll be proud of that until the day I die). Most importantly, I realized that I can still love with all my heart.
After Hurricane Ivan, I can remember driving around and looking at houses and feeling so sad thinking that I would not be able to afford a house for me and JD. Housing prices were through the roof and I was still barely making it. So, if I seem a little emotional, excited, or just plain out crazy over the fact that we will be closing on a house this week, please know it really is just because this day seemed almost impossible to me not too very long ago. I am sure I will cry when we close. Heck, to be honest, I am crying now. Not because I am sad, but because I am so absolutely overwhelmed with thankfulness at how a plan that was not my plan is turning out. It's turning out to be a plan I could have never imagined - and I'm so thankful that my plan isn't always the one that is followed.
In closing - here are a few, very superficial, things I'm looking forward to about living in our house - not necessarily in order:
1. Being able to play Just Dance without worrying if the downstairs neighbors are going to get ticked off at us jumping around. Heck, we're gonna stay up until Midnight and jump rope in the house on the first night - just because we can.
2. Not having to take the trash down the stairs, to the car, to the dumpster - which never fails is always overflowing with yucky trash.
3. Getting to park in the garage - and not having to wait for the car to defrost to leave the house.
4. Not having people leave trash, half eaten pizzas, or rotten Jack O'Lanterns on our front doorstep.
5. Not having to carry 40 pounds of cat litter upstairs - cause y'all know I like to buy in bulk.
6. A nice large pantry to free up some space in my kitchen cabinets.
7. Neighbors to get to know - and a neighborhood to walk in.
Okay, this list is getting long, so I think y'all get the point. This could go on all night. ha!
This is an amazingly beautiful life, and I'm thankful for this opportunity.
