I'm sure it's because my birthday is coming up, but I have found myself thinking back over my years, and I realize that as of Monday I will be 16 years past that 16 year land mark that seemed so huge (and soooo far away) at one time.
When I was 16, I got my first "real" job working at McDonald's in Pace. I remember the store manager telling me that anyone who applied for a job on their birthday, which was during Spring Break, was definitely getting hired. He says "I'd love to have your smile working behind that counter". I left excited and nervous - and having totally forgotten to ask what the pay was. ha! Yes, I was 16 and working at McDonald's. Oh, and the pay was $4.25 a hour by the way.
When I was 16, I had the hugest crush on someone who I refuse to name for his sake - and if you know his name, which if you knew me then there was no way to not know, you don't mention his name either. =) I remember wondering who would be my first prom date, who would I marry, what kind of names would I pick out for my kids....and being so sure that if this person would just give me a chance it would be amazing. Yes, I was 16 and knew just what I needed to make my life perfect.
When I was 16, I was working on being the drum major of the band and hoping that I would get that chance. It really was my main goal and I wanted to do whatever it took to get there. Beyond that, I didn't really have a ton of goals, but on this one, my mind was set. Yes, I was 16 and decided that my goals were up to me to reach.
When I was 16, I was sure that every other girl on the planet was cuter than I was. My chest was too small, my hips were too large, and my size 4 waist was too pudgy. I figured out that girls in magazine were what I wanted to look like. Yes, I was 16 and thought for sure I was fat.
When I was 16, I was sure there wasn't a problem I couldn't solve, a friend I couldn't make, a story I hadn't already heard. Yes, I was 16 and already on my way to knowing all there ever was to know.
16 years after working at McDonald's, I look back and realize that job taught me a lot. It taught me how to work with people who were different from me, how to smile at a customer when I wanted to punch them, how to wipe down trays like a pro, and made me make a pact with myself to NEVER EVER allow my child to have a birthday party at McDonald's. =)
16 years after being sure that my life would have been perfect with that unnamed person, I realize that for many reasons that would have never happened. A year later, I met JD's dad (while working at McDonald's -so I guess that's something else working there gave me...ha!). Two years later we were married, we had JD, and for a while we had a marriage. I've loved, been broken hearted, I've been made whole again. Yes, 16 years later, I realize that life isn't made perfect by a person and I look forwarding to one day being in love again.
16 years after being wanting to be drum major, I look back on my time as drum major with fond memories. I realize that in the grand scheme of my life, that won't be the biggest thing I've achieved, but it was what helped me learn how to work hard to accomplish my goals. My goals now involve being a great mom to JD, making a difference in other's lives, and smaller things like planning vacation. Yes, 16 years later - it still feels amazing to realize a goal.
16 years after being so sure I was hugely fat, I laugh at that thought now. Sweet Lord, if my 16 year old self had a picture of my 32 year old self, she would've really started exercising young. =) I also realize that I am so much more than what the scale says. I'm confident, relaxed in who I am, and able to see the bigger picture. Yes, 16 years later, although I am working on losing weight - I am happy with who Kim is on the inside....and that is so important.
16 years after knowing it all, I've learned that you cannot predict what life has in store for you, but you can take those things - whether gifts or trials - and you will look back and see how your road has been paved and shaped by those experiences. You make a decision to lie down and give up, or give it to God, and rise above. I've learned that there are things I am not equipped to handle on my own, there are people who will not like me, and there are questions I can't answer. Yes, 16 years later, I've learned that I am still learning each day.
So, 16 years later, I have a son who will be a teenager this year, who already talks about things like "when I get to drive", or "when I go to college". I have a life that looks nothing like what I pictured, but in some ways more amazing than anything I could imagine, and I look forward to what is in store.
At the end of the day, the one thing I'm most sure about 16 years later, is that I wouldn't go back to 16 for anything. I'm thankful that with age and experience comes the ability to appreciate where you are. So, bring on the laugh lines, the forehead wrinkles, and the crow's feet - I plan on earning each one. =)
