Tuesday, May 18, 2010

A Priceless Gift

Reposted from July 17, 2006

Life is good. I am currently lying on my bed with J.D. and Lily watching The Greatest Game Ever Played. Actually, J.D. and I are watching the movie, Lily is hoping J.D. will drop one of his bar b q chips so she can snag it up. =) I can not think of any place else I would rather be right now. I have truly been blessed in my life. I have recently been reflecting on some of the times in my life and I can say that God has truly kept me. As human beings we often take life for granted; harboring resentments and regrets from our past or living for tomorrow and not really taking the time to savor the present. Each day that we are here we have been blessed with a priceless treasure, one that can not be bought or sold and once it is gone can not be brought back, no matter how much we may wish it sometimes. It has become my goal in life to try and make sure I am fully aware of just how awesome this gift of life is. I know that I look at my son and I can see how times just flies by. Before I am hardly able to look up he will be an adult. This may seem like a long way off, but to those of you who have been blessed with children you will understand. One day you are worrying about him falling asleep on his stomach and the next you are attending PTA meetings and brawling with the other parents at the soccer field. Not that I've ever done that, of course. =)

I am in no means saying that I am perfect and don't take these things for granted, everyone has. All I am saying is that we should all be a little more careful to appreciate those around us. We recently had a message at church and Pastor Josh made the comment that everyone who is in your life now has not been placed there by accident. Now, that is a profound statement, if you really think about it. I think we generally only think of our loved ones this way, but what about those that seem to know just the button to push or the words to say to make our day go downhill? What if we, myself included, truly looked at those people as being in our lives for a reason. Would we treat them differently, knowing that by our actions we show them God's love in us? I know that I would. I will be honest, lately I have been a little more than burned out on my job. We seemed to be overwhelmed with work and attitudes have been a bit on the sour side. Now, in the past couple of weeks, I've considered a lot of things, including getting new job totally outside of the current company that I work for. I am still not saying that I won't do that if a better opportunity came open, but this morning I woke up with a scripture on my heart,that I believe changed my outlook for the day on my job.

Psalms 19:14

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.

I remembered this morning just how I had been blessed with my job and until something better comes along, I should be thankful to be where I am. I know that when I really started to count my blessings, my attitude changed. Guess what, today wasn't nearly as bad as the last few work days have been. I do know that I don't want to spend the precious moments in my life meditating on the negative, when there really are so many great and wondrous things all around me. So to all of those around me, thank you for sharing in my journey - whether I can obviously see how God is enriching my life by your presence, or whether I have to pray that God would somehow see fit to "bless" someone else with your presence. =) I hope that I can be a blessing to all of you, as well.

I know this has been super long - thanks for bearing with me... I do need to go now, Lily is starting to get the shakes from lack of junk food, maybe I can convince her to eat her dog food. Yeah, right!! Plus the movie is about to end, and for all of those who got a kick out of the fact that I cried during Superman Returns, you can just imagine me now. It's a good thing most of my make up has already worn off from work. =) I hope that all of y'all have a wonderful night and enjoy those around you that God has blessed you with. Remember, life really is too short to waste on regrets and bitterness. I hope that one day J.D. will look back and say that his mom loved God, loved him, and lived a life of thankfulness and grace. That while far from perfect, I tried to remember to count my blessings and enrich others with words of life, and not discouraging and careless words. That would be a wonderful legacy to pass on to him.

Update - as I read this tonight, almost 4 years later, I was reminded that it wasn't but a couple of weeks later that I was blessed with a new job...although I only worked for that company 7 months, it helped open the door to the job that I've been in for over three years now. It's funny how some things change...and exciting, too. =)

Transferring Blogs...

Today, I finally did it...I broke down and bought myself a new laptop! Can you believe it? I certainly can't. That being said - I've decided to start moving my old blogs from MySpace. I really don't visit that site anymore and I would like to get my blogs all in one place. As I move them, I will make certain to repost the original date.

Here we go....

Okay, so I posted this and then came back to edit it. I did transfer some of my blogs - not all of them - it was a bit time consuming. I realized that in some ways a lot has changed in the past 4 years and in some ways things are still the same. I also realized that I am a great big goober - and I'm okay with that. I make myself laugh. ha!

Friday, May 14, 2010

It Started With The Oldest...

As I was typing my previous blog, I truly realized how much the Linder girls have always loved their military men. More specifically, I guess that would be Navy boys they love. =)

I guess it probably started with Sherrell - although, she met her husband knocking on doors for church. Yep, that's right. She knocked on Paul's door and invited him to church. We laugh now, because I'm pretty certain Paul didn't know the last time he had been to church, but he knew a good thing when he saw it. He started coming to church and it wasn't too long before he had a wife - and my first sister married into the Navy.

Not to be outdone, the next two married pilots. I'm know for a fact that Becky met Eric at Trader John's - which as every person in Pensacola knew - was where the Navy guys went on the weekend. I'm sure many girls shed serious tears when they closed their doors for good. I'm not certain where Marsha met Roger, but I am certain we pretty much loved him from the get go.

Now, you have to understand - this all happened before I was even out of high school. Sherrell is 12 years older than I am, Becky, 10, and Marsha 8. So, before I was even old enough to drive - three of my sister married into the Navy.

Then along came Richard....and I could see this one coming a mile away. Sure enough - the summer before my junior year in high school I was the maid of honor in Lindie's wedding. Richard is currently deployed overseas.

Now that I think about it - I'm fairly certain that Mae-Beth's Scott was in the Navy, too. He's out now, but I think I'll still count him. Plus, I'm already counting on him being my brother-in-law, so I guess that will make 5 sisters that married Navy.

Which makes one wonder how in the world I'm not married to someone in the Navy. That would probably be because I met my now ex-husband while I was still in high school. Although, I do remember the summer after my Senior year - Becky had it all set for me to spend the summer in California with her and Eric. I'm not certain why I didn't go now, but maybe it's because I knew deep down, a Linder girl obviously can't turn down a Navy boy - and it has become pretty apparent they can't turn down a Linder girl, either - and since I was with Johnny I should probably not chance it. =)

All in all - those men are responsible for giving me 4 nephews (we're already counting Scott's son), and 5 nieces. I'd say that is pretty impressive...

Thursday, May 13, 2010

When They Come Back...We Give Back

Maybe it's because I grew up around Pensacola, maybe it's because I have four brothers-in-law that are/were in the Navy, or maybe it's because I have many friends that are serving right now - whatever the reason, I have always had a strong affection for our military. Even as a child it was impressed upon me how every freedom we enjoy in this great country is because someone's son, brother, husband, father, daughter, mother, sister, wife, or friend had to lay down their life. Someone had to make the ultimate sacrifice.

Yet, even those that don't make the "ultimate" sacrifice make a lasting one just the same. That is why I fully intend to support the organization - When They Come Back...We Give Back. In their own words, this is their mission:

The “When They Come Back, We Give Back” boots campaign has set out to rally support for our military men and women by featuring images of civilian Americans in combat boots. The hope is that this simple image will remind everyone that regardless of our walk of life, religion, or personal beliefs, our military have been there for us, and to show our military that we are also here for them. By “putting ourselves in their shoes” we say volumes with a simple act of “giving back”. Join us, through this seemingly small display of kindness, wage a new war against the tumultuous pain, heartache, and aftermath those who have already walked the darkest edges of sadness still have yet to face.

I know that I personally have a heart turned towards our soldiers that are returning home from deployment. We pray every night for their safe return - not just in body, but in mind and spirit, too. It is my desire for them to know that we support them - that they can come home to communities that rally around them in whatever way they need. I encourage all of you to check out this campaign. Find a way to show your support - really wrap your mind around the sacrifices that these people are making for you.

I can guarantee that whatever contribution we make, will not nearly add up to the ones that our service men and women make every day.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

White Stones All In A Row...

I went to visit my mother today. I say that for Mae-Beth because she told me not too long ago that I needed to move closer to my family - and without missing a beat I said "Hey, I'm the only one who only lives 5 minutes away from our mom." She paused a second and then started cracking up laughing. See, we were all blessed with an inappopriate sense of humor and we usually laugh when we should be crying. You see, I only live about 5 minutes from Barrancas National Cemetery, where our mother is buried.

Today marks 10 years since she passed away. A lot has happened in that 10 years. In some ways, a lifetime has happened since then. I know there are events in our lives that take place and we can not remember all the details, but I can remember the day I found out my mom had a stroke like it was yesterday. Although she died on May 8th, that phone call actually came on April 21st, three days after I turned 21. My mom was only 52 we she died, and while we all expect that our parents will go before us, we never expect for it to happen suddenly.

Well, today I made the short trip to see her. I don't go to her grave often - only twice before today, but I've known for the last several weeks that I was going to go. I knew I would make that trip. I knew that as I got closer, my stomach would start to cramp, my hands would get clammy, my memories would start to flow....

I pretty much know my way around the base. I take JD out there all the time. We run through the forts, we visit the museum, we've been out there to watch the Blues, but somehow this time I missed the turn for the cemetery. I guess I was distracted.

The funny thing, is that although I've only been out there twice, I didn't even have to look up where her grave is - I remembered. I stood there for a couple of minutes and thought about my mom.

As I stood there, I realized that I don't remember ever asking her what she wanted to be when she grew up. Although I know I must have. I'm pretty sure she would've said a mom - even if that wasn't her original dream. I think I can remember what her favorite color was though. I'm pretty certain I never asked her if she saw herself being where she was in her life - even at a young age, I think I knew that she didn't picture all that her life was at that point. I've said before that I can barely remember her laugh - but I can still hear her saying "KIMBERLY SUZETTE!!!". For some reason I can remember what she looked like when she would do her eyebrows. I remember her sitting in a chair and playing with her hair like she would. I can remember the way she would raise her eyebrow - I only have to look in the mirror to see that one. =) I think what I realized the most was that I will always see my mom through the eyes of a child. I often wonder about who she was as a woman....what she thought, how she made the decisions she did, what she dreamed about. There are some answers I'll never have.

As I stood there, I remember Mae-Beth saying that her tombstone was supposed to say "His Wife" and yet Maebs defied that decision and had it changed to say "Cares All Past, Home At Last" - which was one of her favorite songs. I thought about that......

I turned around and counted the number of stones in a row - 17. Seventeen markers for seventeen people. Yet, how many lives do those stones really represent? Seventeen stones, some with different sayings, some repeating the same words. Seventeen stones that represented an unknown number of years. Seventeen people that touched countless lives. And in the middle of those stones - one that represents my mother. One that represents the person who gave birth to me.

As I'm sure you know, there are many more than seventeen lives represented there.

It made me realize that we all touch countless lives. We all have an opportunity to make a difference. A real difference - one that will last. I will live on in my son. I will give him the tools he needs and one day, he will live on in his children - and with them will be a piece of me. I have an opportunity everyday to the people around me to be a blessing in their lives. I have a responsibility to remember that. I might not live in our History books one day, I might actually be forgotten down the road, but I have an opportunity to give something to others and they might just pass that down to someone else. It's quite amazing when you think about it. One act. One kind word. One smile.

In the end, we are made up of our struggles, triumphs, heartaches, loss, weaknesses, strengths and many other things that combine to forge us into the people that we are. Some of us are daughters or sons, sisters or brothers, friends, mothers or fathers, maybe even wives or husbands. Yet, we are so much more than just a few words can define. And to someone, we might just be the world.

You see, JD will never have another mother than me and I will never have another one, besides her. I know that I only get this one opportunity. This one chance at life. And I know I say it often, but I am really very thankful for this beautiful gift, and as long as I'm here I will do my best to pass that on.

You see....in the end she really was more than just "his wife". She was my mom.

Cares all past...home at last.

It's All Fun and Games - Until Someone Gets an Eye Put Out

Or in other words - "Patchy the Pirate's Dance Craze 2010".

Yesterday was the 5th Grade Field Trip. We've been looking forward to this day for a while. Well, we had to be up early - which is fine because we are usually up early anyways. Morning is probably my favorite time. My silliest time, too. If JD, by some miracle, needs me to wake him up - I always like to wake him up smiling. I usually sing some goofy songs that I make up, or something that would make a fly on the wall die with laughter. Usually, the child is up like I am though - and yesterday was no exception.

I baked muffins for breakfast, put our lunches together, and we were going to go get ready. I was heading to my room - JD was heading to his - when all of a sudden I yelled something like "Woot! IT'S 5TH GRADE FIELD TRIP DAY - BREAK IT DOWN". Then I started to break it down, shake it like a salt shaker, shake what my mama so generously gave me - okay however you want to put it. I busted out with some crazy dance moves like the world ain't ever seen. And truthfully, don't need to ever see. JD is cracking up laughing - egging me on. Which I figure we don't have very much longer that he's going to think I'm funny, so I crank up the dance moves further. i mean, I wouldn't even want to see a video of how I looked at that moment...with my frog pants on and sleep shirt, shaking it down in the living room.

That's where the "eye putting out" comes in. Y'all somehow, in all my awesome moves, I managed to slice my fingernail across my open eye. I immediately was sick. I know it sounds strange, it shocked me, too, but I was suddenly ill. It was no joke. I couldn't even open my eye for a few minutes.

I sucked it up, went on the trip and realized very quickly in, that I might should've went to the doctor. I was sensitive to indoor light, outdoor light, it didn't matter. As a matter of fact, I sent JD's step mom a text on our way. She's a physician's assistant and I wanted to know if she thought I should go to the walk in clinic when I got home. She very graciously told me not to do that, she would just see me real quick if I was still in pain.

Well, let me tell you. I always reference everything back to child birth pain - and I can assure you that I had worse pain from my eye than in child birth. Granted, I do believe God takes your mind after childbirth, and you never fully remember that pain, but I was brought just about to my knees several times yesterday.

We get home and I went to her office. She blessedly numbs my eye, put some yellow liquid in it, looks at it under the special light and immediately says "Yep, oh wow, Kim, you've got a big scratch". She let JD look and he thought that was cool. I guess the liquid turns green under the light when there is a scratch. So, I scratched across my eye, through my pupil. Nice. I now have some antibiotic cream and piratey eye patch and on Monday I need to go see the eye doctor just to make certain I'm not getting a cornea abscess.

I went to dinner last night with Sara, Veronica, and Brianna - for sushi - and I asked Sara and V to help me because while it stank to wear an eye patch, it would totally suck to break my leg from falling down the stairs. Ha! I also said that I wished I had some good reason for scratching my eye - other than my obvious dancing skills, but then Sara so graciously pointed out that then it wouldn't be nearly so Kim like. hahaha! Nice.

We did have fun on the trip though and I am going to take JD back - when I can see out of both eyes. ha! You've got to admit that it is pretty funny.

I Have Front Row Seats and Back Stage Passes....

The only thing is that it's not to a concert, play, or anything else like that....it's to a pity party. Yep, I said it. Or maybe I should title this blog "How your words of wisdom can come back to bite you hard in the behind".....

It seems that we have been super busy lately. Add that to the fact that my good old fashioned insomnia is in full swing - and that's a combination for an emotional break down. I'll take you back to Thursday night...

I got off work Thurday and had a bit of a headache. I knew I needed to go to Walmart, because I had to buy some stuff to do lunches for JD's field trip on Friday - he also wanted me to bake some homemade lemon pound cake for him. No big deal. Well, my air in my car has been acting up - okay, yeah, pretty much only blowing hot air. I get to Walmart, where I'm going to meet Johnny and JD, and I'm talking on the phone to Rankin just waiting for Johnny to show up. I look down, and what do I see? My car is over the "H" on the temperature. WHATTTT??????? For those of you that don't know, car maintenance stresses me out more than anything else and lately it seems like I"m changing tires or head lights or something ALL THE TIME!!! Rankin tells me to immediately turn the car off.

Johnny shows up, JD and I go into the store and JD was in a mood. I'm still trying to keep my good sense of humor, but things were starting to spiral. JD says "Mama, how are you still smiling? I know you are getting grumpy." I said "JD, I'm trying REAL hard here. If we can just get home I'll start to relax".

We get out to the car, I pop the hood (which is funny because I really have no clue what I'm looking for) but low and behold I see some kind of broken belt. At this point, I realize I must be on a three belt system because everything else was working and when my Explorer broke the serpentine belt everything else went with it. I crank the car up, pray to get home, and head that way. We make it home.

Here is where I felt a good old fashioned pity party about to kick up in high gear.

I tell JD to go ahead and get a shower. I needed a few minutes. I decide to make some phone calls and whoever answers first gets the full force of my despair. NOBODY ANSWERED THE PHONE! NOT ONE PERSON! Seriously? Don't you know that I am trying to lay my burdens at your feet. hahahahah!!! By this time my words have been playing over and over in my mind about being thankful and looking around me. Veronica calls me back and I start to cry. I had to make it a quick cry because although I was in my bathroom with the door shut, I knew JD would be out of the shower soon and I didn't want him to see me upset.

Veronica doesn't miss a beat - of course, I did start the conversation and tell her that I knew it was all going to be okay, that there is a plan and "all that blah blah blah", I just need someone to listen to me for a minute. I didn't want someone to encourage me. ha! She says "Hey, Derek - babe - you think we could go help Kim?" Within 30 minutes they are here. No questions asked. Derek pops the hood and says "Um, Kim, that's not a broken belt - that is your wires all covered up". Huh? See, that's why I shouldn't be diagnosing my vehicle. At the end of the day, it appears that when I had my timing belt changed, they knocked my radiator hose loose and drained my radiator fluid and didn't refill it. It took one bottle of fluid. That's it. All that for one bottle of coolant. Seriously?

I will say that life has a funny way of working. I was pretty much snapped right out of my short lived pity party when V and Derek volunteered to come over immediately. It is funny how sometimes it only takes one act of kindness.

It took one moment of once again being reminded how fortunate I am.