The Grilling Season is upon us, so I thought I would remind everyone to practice safe grilling techniques. Here are two reasons why my son cringes every time he sees me head out the door with a lighter, charcoal, and lighter fluid....
1. Once upon a time, I was married, and in this marriage I cleaned house, raised a baby, took out the trash, and many other things, but one thing I did not do was fire up the grill. I guess the reason for that was because he liked to grill, and I liked to eat the grilled food, but was content with just making the sides.
One hot Summer day, Johnny's sister, Janna, came and picked JD up for a play date and I spontaneously asked if they would like to join us for dinner that night. What were we having? Well, hamburgers from the grill of course. Johnny wasn't going to be home until later, but I am a very productive woman and I can grill. I think. I've seen it done a ton of times.
The grill is on our back deck, so I walk outside, put the charcoal in and strike a match, but nothing happens. I go round up some lighter fluid. The only problem is that we don't have a full bottle, but several partial bottles. I decide that more is always better and proceed to drench the charcoal.
I lit the match, walked towards the grill, extend my arm and the match doesn't even make it to the grill before this huge ball of flames shoots up in the air, and burns what little hair I have on my arm off.
Now, I know we have all heard of "stop, drop, and roll", but that isn't what crossed my mind. I jumped, screamed, and sprinted off the deck - all the while yelling "THANK YOU, JESUS...OH THANK YOU, LORD. I'M NOT ON FIRE. I'M NOT ON FIRE". I was loud enough that the neighbors ran out and over to the house to see what was going on.
Johnny made me promise I would not use the grill again.
2. Fast forward several years. I am now divorced.
Summer is upon us and I realize that I am in charge of grilling my own food. I buy a tiny table top grill, put it together, and this time it comes with a bag of charcoal that already has lighter fluid in it. This cannot fail. Right? Right.
Usually, I get myself in trouble when I decide to deviate from the plan.
I put this little grill on my porch step, and try to light it, only it won't light because the wind is blowing too hard. So, I moved it to the side of the apartment, in the grass. I struck the match, put it in the bag of charcoal and then pick the grill up to move it back to the steps. I'm going to admit that at this point I did not have the sense that God gave a billy goat.
When I picked the dang grill up, the legs fell off of it. As I turned to corner, which it was only a couple of steps from where I was to where I wanted to be, the wind hit the bag and my little flame turned into a sure enough fire. A fire, in a grill that I am holding. Have y'all seen me? I'm only 5'1 which means I don't exactly have a long arm span.
The fire burns my arm, I drop the grill, and as luck would have it, the grill turned over causing the grass to catch on fire. At this point, I'm in a panic. What to do? What to do? Thankfully, JD was in the house, so he wasn't witnessing the fact that his mama was about to burn the place down.
About that time, these two Navy guys that lived next door arrive home, to see our grass on fire, and me in panic mode. The made quick work of putting out the small grass fire, the grill, and reassuring me that it was okay. Needless to say, I didn't grill out, but those boys got homemade lasagna, french bread, and a salad for dinner. And once again, my grilling spatula was hung up...
Our new tradition became that I would buy the steaks and shrimp and Scott, my best friend's husband, would do the grilling. For a while...
I am proud to say that a couple of years later, I bought a bigger grill, more charcoal, the Girls Guide to Grilling, came prepared with a little patience, and not so much lighter fluid, and I learned to grill. It was good. After all, everything tastes better on a charcoal grill.
Enjoy Summer. If you see a big plume of smoke from our direction, don't be too alarmed, I'm just back at the grill.
